PLEASE READ: This short story is something I wrote on a whim during my ongoing playthrough of Sunless Sea. It discusses some heavy mental health themes (ideation of suicide and self-harm included) so do be aware of that before progressing. I am aware that the vocabulary and mannerisms used are not accurate to 1800s England speech but neither is falling into a living underground chasm called the Neath so suck it up, boo. Also, there may be some canon inconsistencies I’m not perfect shush.
Lyric stood at the cliff's edge and watched the waves crash below, weathering the rock down bit by bit. The chatter and laughs of his crew mindlessly droned behind him. A shadow shifted, footsteps approached and out of the corner of his eye, Wes tossed a rock into his hand and sat down beside him. "Found this while I was climbing around the stones, pretty, huh?" the shades of pink and red did little to soothe the captain's spirits.
"It is very pretty... a bit of yellow or orange and it would look like a sunset," Lyric caught the brief smile on his bosun's face.
"Speaking of sunsets... you've seemed pretty down lately," Wes reclined back, his eyes on the false stars on the cavern roof. "I mean, you always have moments when you seem stressed or just, off..."
"Thank you, I will be self-conscious about that forever now,"
"Hey," Wes nudged his friend. "Don't get like that, as I said it's not that big of a deal... however..." his tone dropped. "When you start having angered outbursts at other officers, telling zailors just looking for work to eat cave-slime, and start knife fights at bloody Gaider's Mourn out of nowhere... then I start worrying..."
"Thank you, I will be self-conscious about that forever now,"
"Hey," Wes nudged his friend. "Don't get like that, as I said it's not that big of a deal... however..." his tone dropped. "When you start having angered outbursts at other officers, telling zailors just looking for work to eat cave-slime, and start knife fights at bloody Gaider's Mourn out of nowhere... then I start worrying..."
The captain folded his arms. "I know, but they did threaten us first, and I did apologise... and I have brought you all here to... to make for it, I suppose,"
"I mean, it's better than nothing, the Standing Stones are pretty fun but..." Wes tried to meet the Lyric's lowered gaze. "Usually people who want to make right spend time with the people they're apologising to, instead of sulking off,"
"I am not sulking..."
"Even if you weren't, I know you're not socialising as much as you normally do, and you're Lyric!! How do you not want to spend time with people? Now you go straight to your room and sleep until you can't put off organising the next voyage..." Lyric's gaze harshened, his mouth twisted in a grimace before he caught himself and turned back to the waves.
"I mean, it's better than nothing, the Standing Stones are pretty fun but..." Wes tried to meet the Lyric's lowered gaze. "Usually people who want to make right spend time with the people they're apologising to, instead of sulking off,"
"I am not sulking..."
"Even if you weren't, I know you're not socialising as much as you normally do, and you're Lyric!! How do you not want to spend time with people? Now you go straight to your room and sleep until you can't put off organising the next voyage..." Lyric's gaze harshened, his mouth twisted in a grimace before he caught himself and turned back to the waves.
"I do not know why I am so easily aggravated, I have had episodes like this before but not in a good few years... Where you feel sluggish and drained all the time and everything feels like too great an effort..." He sat beside Wes and gazed out at the eternal dark of the Zee. "Maybe the cost of this soul bargain is this body gets too worn out, I ache the rejuvenation of a new form, of a rebirth... I am a phoenix, I burn out, maybe I need to perish and be brought back anew..."
"No, that's not it," Wes sat up and shuffled closer to his captain. "Because if you came back, you'd be doing the same shit, you'd be in the same scenario, dying doesn't change any of that, it's just a small break, if you lose faith in a show you don't hope an intermission can make it enjoyable again..."
"No, that's not it," Wes sat up and shuffled closer to his captain. "Because if you came back, you'd be doing the same shit, you'd be in the same scenario, dying doesn't change any of that, it's just a small break, if you lose faith in a show you don't hope an intermission can make it enjoyable again..."
Lyric took his hat off, and the blemmigan perched on his shoulder crawled atop it. Meade's dome drooped as he looked up at his owner. "Then I do not know how else to be better... I can force it, but it only leads to feeling worse, it does not fix anything... I am not ill so I cannot go to Phoebe, how do I explain this 'illness'? That I cannot stop feeling this way? People tell me to simply cheer up but..." he shook his head,
"I knew someone who felt the way you did," Wes noted, "we worked together a decade or so back, we'd have times where he was great, one of the best stokers we had, worked day and night, loved to get a drink wherever we docked... and then he'd crash, get so tired he wouldn't leave his bunk, we thought he developed scurvy at one point because he wouldn't eat and lost a bunch of weight..."
"My mother was the same, my Aunt Jocelin spoke about it a lot, how she masqueraded as the happiest person alive, but alone, the mask crumbled... she'd hurt herself, tried to hurt her sister too once..."
"I knew someone who felt the way you did," Wes noted, "we worked together a decade or so back, we'd have times where he was great, one of the best stokers we had, worked day and night, loved to get a drink wherever we docked... and then he'd crash, get so tired he wouldn't leave his bunk, we thought he developed scurvy at one point because he wouldn't eat and lost a bunch of weight..."
"My mother was the same, my Aunt Jocelin spoke about it a lot, how she masqueraded as the happiest person alive, but alone, the mask crumbled... she'd hurt herself, tried to hurt her sister too once..."
"Did she get sent to an asylum?"
"Once..." Lyric shrugged and tidied the cuffs of his jacket. "Aunt Jocie said it did not do good, if anything, it made Mother worse, she ran away, and my grandfather called her a madwoman..."
"Oh..." Wes winced and looked down at the waves. "I heard those places don't do any good, Bethlehem's better, at least they let patients out... but I bet having your feelings be similar to hers made it hard to talk about..."
"Impossible, even," There was a scowl on the captain's face. "My grandfather presented as a very emotionally reserved man, I could not even show too much joy around him..."
"But it's not the same, right?" There was an uncomfortable silence. "I mean... you don't have the same urges to hurt yourself..." Lyric shook his head, but it felt half-hearted. Wes glanced back down at the waves, a few retreated to reveal sharp jagged rocks.
"Oh..." Wes winced and looked down at the waves. "I heard those places don't do any good, Bethlehem's better, at least they let patients out... but I bet having your feelings be similar to hers made it hard to talk about..."
"Impossible, even," There was a scowl on the captain's face. "My grandfather presented as a very emotionally reserved man, I could not even show too much joy around him..."
"But it's not the same, right?" There was an uncomfortable silence. "I mean... you don't have the same urges to hurt yourself..." Lyric shook his head, but it felt half-hearted. Wes glanced back down at the waves, a few retreated to reveal sharp jagged rocks.
Lyric didn't react as his bosun stood up, arms folded. "Come back with us, the waters are a bit rough for my liking anyway," He waited, but as Lyric didn't respond, Wes grabbed the captain's arm and coerced him to get up. "Come on, look on the bright side, you told me before, this isn't new, you've felt this way before and I know for a fact you've managed to overcome it, and so what if now you're struggling to bounce back?"
Wes rested a hand on the man's back. "That's why you tell me this shit so that I can help you, I'll take over a few of the captain duties, alleviate some of that stress, we'll take a longer break at London too, get some time on land, you can show me that tea shop you and Ithai are always planning to go back to, how does that sound? We could also go to Clathermont's, you mentioned getting matching tattoos and you still have the design, right?" Lyric nodded. None of the ideas stuck. They seemed meaningless, Empty words and pictures. Did he really want a permanent tattoo? Wouldn't it get ruined and distorted by an untimely death, warping the design beyond recognition?
But he saw the way Wes' eyes lit up at the confirmation, saw the honest attempt to help him out, to not discard his feelings but instead acknowledge them and offer a way to help... made Lyric feel a little less alone. It reminded him that there was something beyond these episodes of miserable sludge people called existence. Besides, it was selfish to ignore his crew in favour of his self-indulgent pity party. The least he could do was spend time with them, at least to prevent a mutiny. Wes kept by Lyric's side as the pair clambered over the stones back to where the others waited, the crew gave a cheer to welcome them.
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